I don't remember the whole dream. All I remember is that me and Kaio went out. Probably for a few hours. Then he saw me wearing a lot of baller and he saw the one I tried to give to him before but refused to accept. He decided he wanted it. Sucks coz it was a big moment for me. Had he accepted it before, things would've been smoother between us. Maybe because that was what I was thinking most of the time we were together yesterday. GOT TO MOVE ON!

Let's start from monday. Went to St francis to get a laser so that my facial hair wouldn't be much of a bother. After that, I went to timezone to see if anyone was playing. I got the chance to play and I got to finish before I decay again. Looks like I'm only lucky there since I haven't been successful at playing them outside megamall. 

Tuesday, orientation for the volunteer program. Saw my friends again and we had fun. Nothing eventful that day.

Wednesday, went to Los Banos to enroll and also met up with Mary. 

Thursday, first day orientation at ACU. It was way busier than in the previous area we were on for level 1. Don't want to go into the details. Sir Lewis gave us soething for our cellphone. Had fun making Kim jealous.

Today, I did a lot of stuff today. Went to the bank, had a haircut, derma. On the jeep, there were a lot of cuties. When I got to our block, I could see Kaio outside. I tried to avoid him and I heard him call me out. I ignored him coz it really wasn't that loud so there's a possibility I woudn't hear him if I didn't see him earlier. I was going to totally ignore him but my sister said to lock the gate and so I did. I saw him looking out our door. He said he didn't have keys to his house. I accompanied him. I really hate it coz I couldn't control myself, but I really do have a hard time turning down anyone when they're right in front of me. We hang out for about an hour or 2, talking. His mom actually got home about 10 minutes after I got home. Guess there was a purpose for our meeting. It was still fun hanging out with him but I guess I have to really let him go because he just ain't worth it. I really don't want him just as a friend. I want more. I don't care if i'm being selfish. But I guess either that won't ever happen or it won't happen anytime soon. I'm just going to try to move on and forget him. Sucks. But I have to. For my own sake. I still wish we could be a couple but I won't force anything on him. 

I guess my mind is starting to comprehend and is starting to make actions to move  on from Kaio. I had an indirect dream to take my focus off Kaio. I dreamt of his brother, Karl, instead. In my dream, he took up ACLS and he coincidentally lands in my team. We got acquainted and he mistook me for doodin. I think I dreamt it that way because I'm feeling hopeless and I would like to turn to someone for help. Whatever the reason is, I have to work hard to move on.

I'm starting to have high blood again. I checked yesterday and it was 160/90. Not good. I'm going to instill more discipline, focus and determination to go on a diet, exercise more, and lessen the stress so that I could donate blood again and my blood would be normalized again.

Tired. And my body aches. Had a massage yesterday and she really went for all my nodules. I'd have to say they were many and big. First time I had a proper massage. I did have one a few years back but I don't know why I didn't remember it til now. now my body hurts. Not sure if it should hurt but it does. But not in a bad way. This week has been pretty much a senseless week because a lot didn't go as planned. Maybe next week will be better. 

Who'd ever thought that keeping my distance from Kaio would clear up my perspectives. I actually never thought of it but it happened. Funny how a couple of hours ago I was thinking about what to do and now I got to clear some things up. I haven't really had a lot of interaction when it comes to romance in my part so any random act of kindness from someone I like can make me overthink and make me think I'm in love when in fact it's just me being new to these things that gets me all excited that it sends to my brains information I never knew and I automatically interpret as love. How gullible my brain is. LOL! I have been crazy for the longest time and I have always been fooling myself about what I feel and stuff. But now, somehow, things got a little clearer. I wanted to thank Robi for that but I decided it really wasn't him. It's me. I'm just so naive and have no experience when it comes to love that I just interpret a lot of things as something relating to that. 

The realization also pointed out an issue I never expected to be back on because I thought I have finished with it. It's about my issue with love. I mean, how many loves I already had. And now I have a new conclusion that's good and at the same time sucks. I ONLY HAD ONE LOVE! Why it sucks? Because I realized that the closest thing I've been in love was with Mc, though I know that the real person I'll ever be in love with is the first person I'll ever be in a relationship. But Mc comes in close second. Why is it good? Coz I get to be good friends with the first person I can consider my love. Funny how at the moment Eien, Joco and Kaio were leveled with my feelings for Mc. I believe I have already moved on from my feelings for him but i'm still careful and watchful because we may never know if i'm still fooling myself with the idea of just loving Mc as a friend. Everything just puts everything into perspective and it feels good to get it. I hope it's not one of those temporary realizations. I usually get a lot of that when i'm moving on from someone. The main issue with Kaio is that i'm really, really LUSTING for him. So bad! Anyways, love and lust are close. I know I can only love the person i'm formally going to have a relationship with and all that drama. Ending my blog because it will just be redundant.